The Barmaiden

vignuttes:

Internet, I have done a terrible thing.  I feel like I’ve betrayed a Mann I love dearly.  I’ve always had a Manncrush, and for most of the time I’ve held an iPhone in my hands, that’s meant receiving calls with the dulcet tones of his gentle booping.  But no more.

I finally decided to be true to myself.  To my self.  My panicky, neurotic, withdrawn, phobic self.  My self that hates and fears the phone more than any other instrument of modern technology.

I made a ringtone.

It’s the first in what will hopefully be a long and shoddily-edited series, “Alterts for the Altered.”  This one, “Breakdown,” has been pulled from En Vogue’s classic “Never Gonna Get It”: and if you curl into a ball anything like mine when someone starts to encroach on your stability through the phone, you’ll surely enjoy this.  ”Now it’s time for a breakdown!” it happily announces, before repeating “Never gonna get it” over and over till you can just about hear the fetal position through the phone.  It’s almost too perfect.  And it’s all for you.

Rock to it, Internet.  Gently back and forth in the corner.

This. Is. Awesome.