“I TOLD YOU. I FUCKING TOLD YOU. Not only is this a pussy haircut, but they put this stupid ass Thanksgiving bandanna on me. I’m a DOG. I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, ok? And I fucking HATE bandannas. Get this shit off me. Jesus hell, people. You could have at least taken me to the dog park or the woods to make up for the fact that I had to spend the last five hours in that place with all those yappy little dogs. Oh, did you forget I’M IN HEAT? Every male dog in that place was hell bent on mounting me. Not that I’m not into that but we’re talking poodles and chihuahuas. If I ever get mounted it’s going to be by a german shepherd or maybe a rottweiler. Just saying. Anyhow, thanks for the stupid hair cut. Now the neighbors are going to snicker, as usual, and I won’t be able to pee outside for at least a week because I’ll be afraid that black lab next door or the damn stray cats running around are going to make fun of my hair. If I were you, I’d keep careful watch for any stains on the rug this week.
Now where’s my treat for enduring this? And don’t give me any of those “healthy” treats. I want something with bacon.”
Oh my god, I just laughed so hard that I cried a little, and now the boyfriend thinks I’m insane, but the thing is, we have a miniature schnauzer and if he could talk, this is exactly what he would say. Especially about the bandanna.
